Happy Jack

Wednesday, April 9, 2008

He's Done It!

In a feat that will surely go down as one of the worst accomplishments in history, famed not-so-great player Nick Morton has finally done it. In Wednesday's AM game, the kid nobody believed in lost to the lowly Ice Nuts in grand fashion. Giving up 8 runs in just three innings of work, Morton asserted himself as one of the unluckiest pitchers in the history of his franchise. It's only fitting that his historic achievement would come while getting mitchslapped.

Now all Morton has to do is hold onto his winless streak to enter the record books. Should his current record stand, Nick Morton will be the first player ever in Happy Jack history to go 0-20 on the season.

Only 25 years old, it seems all Morton can do now is get better. However, no matter what his future achievements, two numbers will remain: 0-20. The Slut will most likely pitch his last game vs. the Las Vegas franchise in the AM, or PM. Like the Giants, should the Pit Boss lose to this now-infamous pitcher, the club shall go down in history as a record-breaking franchise. We should all be on our seats.

Wednesday, April 2, 2008

Race to Mediocrity Update: Morton Two Away

Perennial loser Nick Morton continues his historic streak into history. In this morning's game, Slut Morton put up his worst line of the season going 1.2 innings, giving up 8 runs on 9 hits while throwing 43 pitches. This historically semi-adequate pitcher is now only two losses away from the famed 0-20 record. At this point, ESPN has assigned two reporters to follow every Morton start from here on out. Should Morton accomplish the feat, it is believed he will be the first ever to be so daring as to try for such an honor.

One thing is clear at this point, and it is that Morton is not in danger of losing his job and will most likely get the chance to pitch for the record. Slut owner (who would only give his initials for this interview) nws has intimated that he will continue to go to Morton despite his apparent inadequacies. Mr. Morton, the Nation is watching you, make us proud.

Vegas gets 77th win!!

And sets franchise record. With the young team and more talent on the way, we should contend for many seasons.

Sunday, March 30, 2008

Race to Mediocrity: Update!

BREAKING NEWS!!!!

AP - (Cleveland) Update: Famous not-so-great pitcher Nick Morton has done it again! Despite pitching a brilliant game, this 25 year-old has just missed his (possibly only) shot at a win. I today's PM2 game, Morton pitched a brilliant eight innings of eight-hit ball. But despite his eight innings of brilliance, this famously hard-luck pitcher still could not find a win. Giving away in the ninth to an otherwise fantastic Antonio Ramirez, all Morton could do was watch the game slip away.... For Ramirez - former Classmate - gave away the games winning run.

Morton's record stands at an amazing 0-17. Should he lose the rest of his games, he will be the first Happy Jack pitcher to go oh-for-20+ in a season. This reporter, thinks he can do it.

Friday, March 28, 2008

Race to Mediocrity Update

Hardball Dynasty's

Nick Morton

Rough day for barely-adequate pitcher Nick Morton. The 25 year-old from Gilcrest, Colorado pitched against the Pittsburgh Steelheads and could not get out of the third inning. Morton gave up seven runs on six hits throwing 62 pitches. The Slut can hold his head high, though, as his opponent for this match - Torey French - had an equally horrid day, leading the way to an eventual Sluts win.

Morton's next stop on his quest for infamy will most likely be on 3/29 in the PM. Until then, we wish him godspeed.

Thursday, March 27, 2008

Race to Mediocrity Update

Hard-luck pitcher Nick Morton has done it again. Morton pitched 5 2/3 innings against Wichita yesterday, and was actually pitching quite well (for him). That was until the sixth inning when Morton allowed a single, a SB 2B and the dreaded SB 3B. After the following HR, Morton's night was over. When the inning began, Morton had a 4-3 lead. By the end of the inning, the Sluts were losing 6-4.

Morton's record now stands at a deplorable 0-17. It is believed that this mediocre pitcher could be the first ever Happy Jack ML'er to go 0-for the season with at least 200 innings pitched. The once-thought-of-as-impossible 0-20 is within reach. Should Morton accomplish such a feat, his name will surely be recognized in Happy Jack for years to come. Look for the Chris Berman special later this year.